Six Words I’ll Never Use When Writing Erotica

I’ll admit. I’m a newbie.

This blog is my first ever venture into writing erotica.

And what an adventure it has been!

I’ve learned a lot from reading other blogs to see their approaches to writing online erotic stories. I’ve also learned quite a bit from flipping through cheap dime store romance novels. But I still do not consider myself to be a “pro” by any stretch of the imagination!

However, I do have my standards when it comes to the style of my writing.

Even though I haven’t been writing erotica for very long, I’ve already created for myself a few basic rules that guide my writing. I earned my B.A. in journalism, so I’m already used to following a written style guide (I use the Associated Press, in case any of you were curious).

My primary story, “The Adventures of Ryan Takahashi,” deals with many things, but chief among them: sex. And, naturally, when you write about sex, inevitably things are going to get a little dirty.

But let’s face it; that’s why we read erotica in the first place, isn’t it?

But I don’t think of erotic fiction as being “porn.” Porn, more often than not, lacks any sort of art and only exists to titillate and excite. Erotic fiction exists to do those things but within the context of characters, plot and ideas. I don’t consider myself an accomplished erotic writer by any means but I would like to think I’m entertaining what few faithful readers I have.

(Thank you, by the way, to ALL of you who have read or stumbled upon my blog so far!)

I strive to write erotic fiction that still contains basic elements of storytelling even when dealing with sexually-charged subject matter. Just because a story deals with S-E-X doesn’t mean it has to be filthy. Filth is for children. Erotica is for adults.

That’s why there are certain words I will never use in my writing. I don’t want to sound like an elitist, but I have a distinct set of immature words that I don’t think belong in fiction intended for adults. These are words best reserved for the playground.

So, here’s a brief rundown of said words I will never use in my writing:

  1. Dick
  2. Cunt
  3. Pussy
  4. Cum
  5. Ass
  6. Cock

I don’t know about you, but these six words just seem a little too crass for me. Using the word “pussy” instead of “vagina” sounds too much like grade school kids talking about what they just overheard their older siblings talk about.

Additionally, “pussy” is often used as a derogatory term for someone who’s perceived as being weak or lacking self-respect. This sexist term doesn’t belong in my writing.

“Dick” also doesn’t sound right to me. I prefer the traditional term “penis.” Maybe it’s because “dick” is a derogatory term for someone who’s a jerk. This is another negative association I don’t want my readers to be subjected to when reading my stories.

“Cock” is another word I don’t like. Maybe because when I think of the word “cock,” I think about a rooster. “Cock” isn’t necessarily a crass word, but there are better alternatives out there.

The word “cunt” is so taboo that we often refer to it as the “c-word.” I don’t know much about the origin of this word, but it doesn’t seem necessary, especially when there’s that perfectly legitimate word, “vagina,” also available.

Is “vagina” such a taboo word that we’d rather use “pussy,” “cunt,” “snatch” and other euphemisms instead? Maybe a lot of writers don’t want to sound like they’re writing an anatomy textbook. I get that.

Two euphemisms I prefer to use are “manhood” when referring to a man’s genitalia and “womanhood” when referring to a woman’s genitalia. I find these terms more empowering and conducive to describing their God-given biology.

Of course, all rules are meant to be broken. There is one exception when I would (and eventually will) use these six words: in the context of dialogue. Dialogue between characters who would use these words is the only place where I’d be comfortably referring to a man’s semen as “cum.” What’s wrong with “semen?” Does it remind you of a group of sailors exploring the high seas?

So there you have it. I think language is important and what words you use can have a tremendous effect on your readers. Good erotica should stimulate the imaginations of your audience. Using middle school language like “pussy” while describing the act of cunnilingus might turn some people off.

Once again, I don’t claim to be a great erotic fiction writer. I’m just laying out my reasons for using medically-correct terms like “penis” and “vagina” when other writers would use “cock” and “cunt.”

If you want mature adults to read your writing, you should treat them like mature adults. There’s nothing wrong with reading smut, just as long as you have respect for the characters you create. Maybe it’s just me, but describing the act of lovemaking as “fucking her pussy so hard she cums like a bitch” doesn’t sound very dignified.

And if I do break these rules and use those six forbidden words outside of the context of dialogue, I give you full permission to punch me in the face the next time you see me on the streets.

Oh, wait. That would never happen. None of you know who I am!

Maybe this is why I prefer to remain anonymous…

The Adventures of Ryan Takahashi: Chapter Fourteen – Losing My Virginity

Cindi carries me all the way up to her bedroom (which includes a long flight of stairs) as if I were as light as a feather. But I’m not actually light as a feather. This is a testament to her tremendous strength.

The entire time she’s carrying me we kiss like there’s no tomorrow. To hell with it; tomorrow can wait. Today, in this moment, it’s all about us.

Cindi and Ryan.

Two friends.

Who are about to express their newfound friendship through the act of physical love.

By now I know where her bedroom is so I take every opportunity to kiss Cindi and stare deeply into her eyes. I almost forget I’m being carried by her like a baby in arms. Cindi can carry me around all day and I’d never feel emasculated by it.

When we get to her bedroom she flips on the light switch and drops me on my feet. Dazed and confused, my head is swimming with all the possibilities of what is about to happen. I’m about to make love to Cindi North: The Divine Muscle Goddess, The Most Muscular Woman in the World, the Female Hercules.

Opportunities like this don’t happen every day!

Cindi closes the door and walks over to the window to pull down the blinds. She turns to me and beckons me to come to her.

“Come.”

I do as I’m told.

I approach her with the hesitancy of a naughty child visiting the principal’s office. She cups my face and plants a long, wet kiss on my lips. I feel her tongue wrestling my tongue into submission. Holy shit. Even her TONGUE is powerful! Is there nothing about this woman that isn’t strong?

“You taste good,” Cindi says.

“That’s because I just ate your cooking.”

Cindi giggles. “That’s what I like to hear!”

She expresses her gratitude by nibbling on my ear. I’d nibble back if I were a good eight inches taller. It must be weird seeing such a large woman have to bend so far down to display affection for her man. I stroke her back to return the favor.

“Strip me. Strip me now.” Cindi moans as my tongue explores her neck. I follow her orders by lifting her t-shirt off her body. I struggle to wrap my arms around her thick chest. Cindi cooperates by taking off her shirt for me.

“You’re so strong. I love it.” I’m completely hypnotized by her bulging muscles.

“Thank you. I take pride in my strength.”

Cindi isn’t wearing a bra. Her small, flat breasts still look tempting to touch. I pinch both of her nipples gently, making Cindi let out another moan. I cup both of her breasts in my hands, feeling her femininity in a way no other man could. Some men are scared of her. Some men are disgusted by her. Not me. I am enamored by her. Every inch of her. That’s the difference between me and most other men.

Out of nowhere, Cindi lifts my shirt off my back so quickly I barely even notice it. She squats down and kisses my abs (yes, I do have some visible abdominal muscles going on!!!) with a delicate finesse of an experienced seductress. Before I know it, she unbuckles my belt and lowers my pants to the floor. I kick them off to the side as Cindi removes my socks.

“You’re beautiful, Cindi.”

“Save the compliments for later. Let your actions do the talking.”

“Alright, if you insist.” I lean over and pull her sweatpants to the floor. Her tree trunk thighs welcome me, insisting I kiss them. I oblige, sending a long streak of kisses down her left leg. The feel of her veins against my lips makes me quiver with need.

Naked except for our underwear, Cindi and I look at each other to size ourselves up. Clearly, she is the physically dominant one in this relationship. I’m puny compared to her.

“There’s only one piece of clothing left,” she says.

“Let’s lose it,” I suggest.

With that, we both strip off our underwear and look at each other’s bodies. Cindi’s muscles look as large as ever. She looks even bigger naked than when she’s fully clothed. Every detail of her heavenly body is on display here in this room. My penis is fully engorged and standing at attention, ready to meet its destiny.

Cindi pulls back the covers on her bed and sits down on it. Her face becomes serious.

“I have a serious question to ask you.”

“What is it?”

“Do you want to use a condom?”

“What? Excuse me? You’re asking me if I want to use a condom? Shouldn’t it be the other way around? I always thought men never had a choice in the matter.”

“Not in this case. So I’ll ask you again. Do you want to use a condom? I have a whole box of them in my dresser drawer. I’ll be glad to take one out.”

“Uh, sure. We should to be safe.”

“Safe from what? Diseases? Are you saying I might have some sort of STD?”

“No! I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about pregnancy. You know, that process that creates babies.”

“Don’t worry about pregnancy. I’m too old for that.”

“But you’re 48. Women at that age can still have children, right?”

“Some might. But not me. Trust me, Ryan. I’m done with that part of my life. I have four kids and I don’t plan on having any more. We’re safe.”

“Okay, if you insist. No condom then.”

“Great! I’m glad you think the same way. Nothing beats the feeling of a pure man inside of you.”

And just like that, when she uttered the words “inside of you,” my heart leaped into my throat. I’m actually about to enter into a woman! I’m about to do it, I’m on the verge of crossing that sacred threshold between virginity and…uh, non-virginity. Manhood, or manliness, or something like that. I’m about to become a man!

“I know you’re excited. Don’t worry. We can take it slow, darling.” Cindi’s reassuring attitude calms me down. I want to make lover to her soooooooooooooo badly, but I don’t want to do anything foolish or embarrassing. I still remember what happened last week.

“Kiss me, Ryan.”

“Yes, Cindi.”

I sit on the bed next to her and kiss her lips fervently. I linger to taste her feminine essence. She caresses my right leg with one hand and rubs my neck with the other. I reach down and lightly press my middle and index finger against her enlarged clitoris. Fully engorged and hot to the touch, I rub it lovingly, stroking back and forth, up and down, side to side, whatever it will take to please her.

I want to please her. Badly.

Cindi groans loudly as my fingers increase their intensity. She falls on her back and raises her arms over her head. Her long, thick legs shake as my two fingers pinch her clitoris as I continue to stimulate her. With my free hand, I stick three fingers inside her vagina. Her womanhood welcomes my penetration, hot and moist, ready for her impending climax.

While my two hands work simultaneously to bring Cindi to orgasm, I take one of her nipples into my mouth and suck on it with reckless abandon. By now Cindi is moaning loudly, her deep masculine voice sending bellowing vibrations across the entire room. She is close and I know it.

Finally, Cindi climaxes and I feel her strong vaginal muscles contract around my fingers. I ease off her swollen clitoris and watch her body shake like an earthquake. Cindi’s heavy breathing makes me think about her pumping iron at the gym. Is this what she sounds like when she’s bench pressing or bicep curling?

I notice a small moisture stain between her legs on the bed sheet. This turns me on even more.

“God, that was amazing. I’ve missed that. Thank you.” Cindi’s heavy breathing subsides.

“You’re welcome. My pleasure.”

“Uh, no. My pleasure! And now, I shall return the favor.”

Sweating bullets, Cindi repositions herself so her head rests against the pillow and I’m on my knees looking down on her. She spreads her legs wide, inviting me to enter her Temple.

“Take me. Now.”

I have no response to that. None at all.

I look down at my penis and realize this is the last moment in my life that I’ll be a virgin. No more wondering what sex is like. No more being a loser. It’s time, Ryan. It’s time to become a man. A real man. It’s time to cross that sacred threshold and live life to the fullest!

We look at each other’s eyes. She’s grinning, exposing every age line on her face. I have no idea what expression I’m currently sporting. She nods, telling me to do it. She wants me to do it. She wants me to enter her.

I close my eyes, take a deep breath, exhale, open my eyes, take one quick glance at Cindi’s face, look down at her moist engorged vulva, pinch the base of my erect penis with two fingers, grab her hip with my other hand, and….

I enter her.

With one smooth, gentle and loving movement, my penis enters Cindi North’s vagina.

Wow.

As we speak, at this particular moment, my penis is now inside a woman’s body. And not just any woman. A strong, dynamic, physically dominating female bodybuilder.

She feels warm inside. I can’t describe it any better than that. Warm. I peer up at her face and see Cindi has an even larger grin on her face. She feels proud of me, without a single judgmental bone in her flawless body.

“Make love to me, Ryan Takahashi.”

Once again, I fail to come up with a verbal response.

With me on top, I slowly rock back and forth, completely improvising everything. This is my first time! I have no idea what comes next. I’ve seen tons of movies and pornos, but this is the REAL DEAL!!! No amount of watching sex on camera can prepare you for this.

My pace increases as I gain confidence. Cindi kisses my neck and chest as I continue to pump into her. My strokes in and out of her become longer and more authoritative as I feel my orgasm build. I almost forgot, I’m supposed to experience pleasure from this too! I was so caught up in the idea of loving my virginity that I completely forgot about, you know…having fun.

Silly me.

My breathing intensifies as my orgasm engulfs my entire being. Cindi, meanwhile, grabs my face and kisses me hard. I quietly call out her name as our lips come apart. She calls out my name in response. We stare deeply into each other’s eyes as I reach my inevitable climax.

Nothing else matters now. There is no other world outside of this bedroom. Right now, all that matters is Cindi and me. Nothing else. For all I care, we could be the only two people on this Earth. There is no one else other than me and…

Oh, yes! YESSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

With one last thrust, I reach the climax of my orgasm and release five hot squirts of semen into her. A couple of smaller squirts follow afterward. Maybe it’s because I’m caught up in the moment, but that might be the most pleasurable orgasm I’ve ever felt. Real sex is SOOOOOOOO much better than masturbation!

My spasms finally end. I kiss Cindi once more, this time with emotion. I feel my eyes water as I kiss her. I think I’m crying.

Wow. I never cry. But here I am, weeping like a baby. What’s making me do this?

Sensing my flood of emotion, Cindi strokes my hair and rubs my bottom. Still hard as a rock, my penis continues to be lodged inside her even though my ejaculation has finished. I let out a deep sigh and collapse onto her. Cindi hugs me affectionately.

“That was amazing, Cindi.” I can hardly think right now. There are too many emotions running through my mind. My heart is content beyond words. I’m not that excited that I lost my virginity. I’m happier that I got to make love to a wonderful, strong, compassionate woman.

“I agree. That was amazing.”

We say nothing for what seems like forever. All this time we’re laying in each other’s arms, basking in the afterglow of our lovemaking. Though softer and smaller now, my penis has still not left her vagina yet.

“I feel like a man now,” I finally manage to speak.

Cindi turns her head toward me and kisses my cheek.

“No, Ryan. You were always a man.”

The Adventures of Ryan Takahashi: Chapter Two – Lazy Saturday Afternoon Workout

I woke up Saturday morning with a massive erection that refused to go away. All throughout breakfast my penis remained as hard as a rock. What a way to begin a lazy Saturday.

All I could think about was her. Cindi North. Cindi North. Beautiful and gorgeous Cindi North.

Cindi North.

Who is this woman? I’ve never heard of her. I thought I was familiar with all the major FBBs, especially the ones who are local. When I finally rolled out of bed at 10:30 a.m., I switched on my computer and Googled her.

And what did I find? Nothing much.

There’s a Cindi North who’s a real estate agent in Tennessee. I don’t think it’s her. There’s a couple in Texas who recently gave birth to a daughter named Cindi North. That’s definitely not her. There are women named Cindy North, but none are even close to being an FBB (the one who comes closest is a Zumba instructor in San Diego). This does not sit right with me. Female bodybuilders are usually very searchable. I then tried Bing and Yahoo and still got the same results. What if I searched for her directly on bodybuilding websites?

Twenty minutes later, I still got nothing. Who is this woman? Is she even real? She has to be real. I know she’s real.

“Damn. Maybe I’m being delusional. She might not be real,” I say to myself.

I can’t deny the possibility that I’m being had by some jerk. Anyone can steal the image of an anonymous FBB and pretend it’s them. Anyone who’s even remotely computer literate can pose as someone else. Dammit! I’m being duped by some asshole on Craigslist!!!

This realization makes me both angry and devastated. I want to kick something and then bawl my eyes out.

Bawl my eyes out? Over someone who’s not even real? Shit, I’m getting desperate. This is what happens when you’re a 20-something virgin.

Huh? Have I not mentioned this yet? Yes, laugh all you want. I’m a virgin. A virgin. I’ve never had sex. My penis has never been inside a woman. That kind of virgin. I’m 23-years-old. Go ahead! Laugh. I’ll wait while you get it out of your system.

*Pause*

Okay, let’s resume.

Suddenly, it hit me. Maybe, just maybe, her real name is Cindi North but professionally she goes by something else. Of course! Plenty of female bodybuilders go by different names when they compete. She probably has a completely different identity that’s separate from “Cindi North.” That’s not outside the realm of possibility.

I hope that’s it. That has to be it. If not, I’m going to be disappointed all over again.

As I mentioned earlier, this is a dream come true. But a dream can shatter in an instant. As they say, if it’s too good to be true, it usually is. I hope this is an exception.

Now, on to video games.

I attempt to distract myself with Halo 3 and Call of Duty, but all I could see on the screen is her. I watch a few episodes of Family Guy. It helps temporarily, but I still can not get her out of my mind. I eat some leftover spaghetti and pack my gym bag. I think I should get a good workout in before dinner. That should prepare me for my chat tonight at 8 p.m.

To help me get in the mood for working out, I reopen Cindi’s picture and stare at it for a good two minutes.

Look at her body. Her thighs could crush a bowling ball. Her shoulders could lift a truck. Her abs look so delicious. I want this woman so badly!

Cindi North. Cindi North. Cindi North. Cindi North. Cindi North…

Great. My erection has returned. Let’s hope it disappears before I have to take off my pants.

I work out at Wellford Fitness Center, a local family-owned gym that’s been in existence for nearly half a century. The owner, Thomas Wellford, inherited the business from his mother, Eliza Wellford, a former Olympic bronze medalist weightlifter. Thomas is a nice man and hired me as a part-time janitor (I work early mornings Monday through Friday) after I started working out there a year ago. One perk from working at WFC is that I get to exercise there for free. I can even take all the Yoga and Zumba classes at no charge. This is something usually reserved for Gold Level members.

I can walk to the gym because it’s only six blocks away from my apartment. Onward!

Three minutes later, I stroll through the front doors and say hi to Michelle, the cute receptionist/personal trainer who usually mans the front desk on Saturdays.

“Hi Michelle.”

“Hey Ryan. What are you doing today? Legs? Arms?” she asks as she scans my membership card.

“Neither. Shoulders and chest,” I inform her as she hands the card back to me.

“My mistake. It’s lighter than usual today for some reason.”

“There’s a big game today. The Huskies are playing USC. The winner is guaranteed a spot in the Rose Bowl.”

“Oh. Who’s going to win?”

“Well, they don’t play until later today. I think the Trojans are going to win. Even though the game’s here, they have a more talented team.”

“We’ll definitely turn it on when the game starts. Enjoy your workout.”

“Thanks, Michelle.”

Michelle waves to me and immediately helps the next person in line, just as a professional should. She’s 36-years-old but looks 20. Michelle has beach blonde hair, large perky breasts and a very toned body you cannot help but stare at lustfully. Michelle is the type of person every woman hates. She’s gorgeous, looks 15 years younger than she actually is, has two children (ages 10 and 8, if my memory serves me correctly) and has a body that makes every man stop dead in his tracks. She recently divorced her husband when she discovered he was having an affair with another woman. I find this perplexing because how on earth can you possibly find a woman sexier than Michelle?

Her ex-husband is a typical musclehead jerk who spends way too much time at the gym (it’s no surprise that they met here) and does nothing but show off. I’ve met him many times and I think he’s the douchebag to end all douchebags. What did Michelle see in him?

Dan (he calls himself “Big Danny”) is definitely your stereotypical asshole who looks like a male model, treats people like garbage, but always keeps getting women. He’s fairly handsome, built like a linebacker, and, from what I’ve seen in the locker room shower, he’s hung like a horse.

Dan is the type of guy who parades around the locker room naked for long periods of time because he wants to show off his body to everybody. In addition to having way too much muscle, his very large penis does nothing to tame his ego. Maybe that’s what Michelle saw in him. A great roll in the hay.

Of course, Michelle would never date me. I’m the boring Asian guy nobody wants to hang out with except for fellow Asians. Michelle always smiles at me but I know she has no intention to do anything with me outside of work. There’s no doubt I can’t compete with Dan in the category of physical beauty.

But enough about that douche. I remember the first time he saw me naked. I saw him glance down at my penis and smile condescendingly. I’ll never forgive him for that.

Thankfully, since the divorce Dan has switched gyms. I have not seen him in more than two months. Good riddance.

I walk into the locker room and choose my favorite locker, #218. I have no idea why it’s my favorite. I picked this one the first time I came here and have stuck with it ever since. If that one is being used, my backup is #220. But today, #218 is empty.

“How’s it going, buddy?” a familiar voice says to me.

I turn around and see Jason Marquee, an old friend from high school. Jason is a black guy who was a standout wide receiver on our football team. He received a lot of interest from Division I colleges (including UCLA, Baylor, Boston College and Michigan State), but unfortunately during the last game of his senior year he suffered a catastrophic injury when a free safety tackled him by the knees and tore his ACL. Jason eventually recovered from this injury but his speed and quickness never fully returned. I feel really bad for him. He’s definitely the type of guy you want to root for to succeed.

“I’m doing pretty well. Are you going to watch the game later today?”

“Yeah. I just got done with my workout and I’m on my way out. Who are you pulling for?”

“I don’t really care either way. I just want a good game.”

“Cop out answer! Just kidding, bro. I guess I do too.”

“Are you going to watch it with your girlfriend?”

“Yes, sir. She’s a proud Husky and wouldn’t miss it for anything. But I have to go. She’s expecting me right about now.”

“Awesome. Have fun. Say hello to her for me.”

“Yeah, yeah. I will. Have a good workout, Ryan.”

“Take care, Jason. See you around.”

Jason leaves with his gym back slung over his left shoulder. I undress and slap on my smelly workout clothes. Oh, God. I need to do laundry this week.

Jason, like Dan, is also hung like a horse. But unlike Dan, Jason is very modest about himself and is a very likeable guy. The injury really humbled him. I remember how cocky he was in high school. Hell, you would be too if you had national talent scouts watching you on the sidelines every week. Jason is the only guy with a penis that’s large enough to compete with Dan. But Dan still wins. I shudder to think what Big Dan looks like when he’s, uh, big.

I really start to shudder when I think about Dan’s large package ramming into Michelle’s tight little body. Michelle is not a large woman. But she must have enjoyed the sex. Why else would she have stayed with him for so long and have two kids from him?

Whatever. Time to work out.

Today is a chest and shoulder day. I can bench press 155, which doesn’t seem like much because… well, it’s not much. But I do 4 sets of 12 so I think I get a decent workout every time I do it. I’m slowly working my way up and hope I can get to 200 pounds by the end of the year.

I wonder how much Cindi can bench. Probably 300 or 350. She looks pretty damn strong. I can just imagine her massive chest heaving up and down as she grunts, huffs, puffs and sweat drips off her pretty face.

Dang. My erection is back. I hope nobody notices.

The workout area is sparse as most people are more interested in college football than burning calories. Personally, I’d also rather eat potato chips and drink beer than bust my butt at the gym, but my conscious wouldn’t let me rest easy. Sloth is the easiest path toward failure. Whatever “failure” means in this case.

I begin with a little cardio. The cardio area usually has ESPN playing. Maybe I can catch the tail end of some other game before the Big Game starts. The upstairs section is dedicated to treadmills, Stair Masters, elliptical machines, rowing machines and other cardio equipment. This area is usually dominated by women and high school kids training for track. Today there’s an old black lady, two college-aged Asian girls who appear to be friends (don’t worry; neither of them are particularly attractive), a really buff middle-aged guy and myself. The really buff middle-aged guy is named Tony. We’ve talked a few times and he’s a very nice guy. He’s the type who spends too much time flirting with the pretty young ladies at the gym between his sets. And his sets are pretty insane. Tony can lift with the best of them.

Tony sees me and nods his head. I nod back. This is usually the extent of our conversations together.

I choose a treadmill and see there’s an NBA pre-season game playing instead of college football. Whatever. I’ll watch anything.

After running a good two miles, I go downstairs, take a long drink at the water fountain and head to the weightlifting area. Hm. No one’s here. Tony has moved on and is currently squatting what looks to be about 315 pounds. Out of the corner of my eye I see Hot Blondie, a young woman who comes here constantly. I don’t know her real name, but she’s as gorgeous as a supermodel and keeps her body in ridiculously good shape. From what I’ve gathered overhearing her conversations with other people (some call it eavesdropping, I call it the consequences of exercising in close quarters), she works at one of those bikini coffee shops. I’ve never been to one of those but I’d love to see her in a bikini. Oh, baby…

Today Hot Blondie is wearing a bright red athletic bra, matching spandex shorts (which are tight as hell), white tennis shoes and her iPod. She has no qualms about showing off her figure in public. Hell, she gets paid to do it for a living (while making lattes and Americanos, of course).

Usually I get distracted when Hot Blondie works out near me. But today all I can think about is Miss North and her magnificently buff body. It’s almost to the point where I’m seeing her everywhere. There she is squatting next to Tony. There she is bench pressing right next to me. There she is blasting her biceps with 80 pound dumbbells. There she is doing shoulder presses with 70 pound dumbbells. Yikes. This erection has been with me for at least fifteen minutes!

During my sets I try to think of nothing but my lifts. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, being unfocused at the gym is a recipe for disaster. I’ve witnessed too many accidents during my time working here. One time a bunch of brainless high school jocks were messing around and accidentally bumped into someone doing lunges. That person fell down and badly twisted their ankle. Thomas did not think twice about banning them forever after that unfortunate incident. Good riddance.

Holy crap. Hot Blondie’s doing squats. Don’t get distracted, Tony. I love surreptitiously watching her do squats. Watching her long, toned legs and butt move up and down is enough to make me climax on the spot. That would be messy if this were to actually happen.

As expected, Tony has finished his set and is now striking up a conversation with Hot Blondie. I have no doubt they’ve had sex before. Tony has hinted to me that they have and I can believe it. Rumor has it Hot Blondie is not the monogamous type. But would she ever sleep with me? Definitely not. Like Michelle, she has alternate tastes in guys. Particularly guys who aren’t Asian.

But enough of that. There’s an FBB out there who wants to do me (or is it she wants me to do her?). That’s enough to be proud of for the moment.

Time to resume my workout.

After I finish bench pressing I move on to various shoulder exercises. I usually cap off my workout with stretching and doing 800 crunches. Yes, I do that many crunches. I have a fairly decent four-pack that you can see when I suck in my gut. I’m still working on the other two to show up. But not Cindi. She has at least an eight-pack going on.

The closest I ever get to talking with Hot Blondie is during my stretching. Not too many guys stretch after lifting, which is something that could be very dangerous. Lots of women come to the stretching mats. Some are young and shapely, others are old and baggy. When Hot Blondie starts doing her yoga stretches right next to me, it’s difficult to not get an erection. And it’s even more difficult to hide it when you’re wearing gym shorts.

Now it’s time to take a shower. I probably smell like a third-world prison. Shower time is an odd time because it’s when all the guys get to see each other naked. Wellford Fitness Center has a large communal shower room where up to twenty guys can shower at once. And this is when we “compare” each other to see how we “measure up.”

When I say “measure up,” I don’t just mean penis size (even though that’s what I was really referring to). We silently compare the size of our biceps, chests, shoulders, backs, legs, abs and other muscle areas. Guys with the biggest muscles get the respect. Guys who don’t are quietly judged. As for me, I’m somewhere in the middle. I look toned but I’m not buff by any means. I’m someone people mildly respect but don’t revere. Dan, Tony and Jason are all guys people revere.

I’ve already said Dan and Jason are very well-endowed. Tony is not quite in their range but he doesn’t seem embarrassed about letting everything hang loose. At the moment there’s me and two other guys. Both are near elderly and probably couldn’t get it up if they tried. At least I have them beat on that front.

But then Big Mark walks in.

Big Mark is the only guy who can physically compare with Dan. Big Danny and Big Mark were rivals back in the day. Every time the two of them worked out together it clearly became a contest to see who could lift more. Big Mark was at least 6 foot 5 and looked like a power forward on steroids (to be honest with you, I wouldn’t be surprised if he actually were on the juice). I didn’t see Big Mark in the weight room, so I’m going to guess he just got out of the swimming pool. Big Mark usually swims a few laps in the pool, showers, lifts insane amounts of weight and showers again.

“Hey there,” Big Mark says to me.

“Hi,” I reply back.

“Are you going to watch the game today?”

“Yes, sir. I’m pulling for UW to win.”

“Yeah, me too. But it’s not going to happen. No way, man.”

“Got to keep the faith, bro. Got to keep the faith.”

“True that.”

Big Mark is a lot nicer than Dan. Big Mark can get a little douchey at times, but I usually keep my distance from him. Besides, it hurts my neck to have to look up all the time to talk to him.

Completely naked, Big Mark looks like a Greek god. He has a body covered with large muscles and a face that looks like an Abercrombie & Fitch model. His penis is not as long as Dan’s or Jason’s, but it looks a lot thicker. Do women prefer length or girth?

Big Mark quickly rinses off and heads out.

“Have a good work out,” I say.

“Thanks. You heading out?”

“Yeah, I’m done here.”

“Alright. See you around,” he says.

Yeah, I’ll see him around. Hopefully the next time I see him I’ll be devirginized. Then I-

Wait.

Losing my virginity? Soon? To a beautiful female bodybuilder? Yes, please.

It’s time to get out of here and see where destiny takes me.

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