Aspen Rae – The Adventures of Ryan Takahashi

Untouched and Unattached: The Virginal Female Bodybuilder Fantasy

There’s one remarkable similarity between some of our most favorite female bodybuilders that might explain (slightly) why we universally love them.

What do Denise Masino, Alina Popa, Cindy Landolt, Aspen Rae, Theresa Ivancik, and Minna Pajulahti all have in common?

Besides being Divine All-Powerful Muscle Goddesses, you rarely see them participate in videos with other guys.

Sure, that’s not totally true. All these ladies have shot a few videos of them either allowing a guy to worship their muscles or wrestle them until they helplessly surrender. But for the most part, these ladies – and plenty of others as well – tend to make videos where either they’re solo or they’re with other women (usually fellow female bodybuilders). Have you also noticed this trend?

I cannot recall watching a video where Denise Masino – who is my favorite FBB – has sex with a man, wrestles a man, or is worshipped by a man. Maybe a few are out there, but I haven’t personally come across anything of the sort. That doesn’t mean they doesn’t exist, of course. 99% of the time, Denise is masturbating by herself with the camera pointed up close to her enormous genitalia, allowing a fellow FBB to suck on her huge clitoris, or participating in an all-female muscle orgy. Naturally, I am not complaining about any of this.

Yet, this observation is jarring. For whatever reason, a significant number of female bodybuilders who participate in porn (the vast majority of actual FBBs do not, for the record) do so either without men in it or only with other women. These women might be fellow bodybuilders or they might be “normal” looking women. But the absence of other guys cannot be overlooked.

Why is that? Why does Aspen Rae choose to make lesbian-themed videos but not a whole lot where she has sex with a man? Why do our favorite FBBs either “go solo” or only allow themselves to be filmed being intimate with other women? It could be that these ladies are genuine lesbians who aren’t interested in having sex with men…or it could be an intentional choice. What would motivate this choice in the first place?

The answer is simple: They want guys like us to fantasize about being with them, knowing we’re not interested in watching guys like us be with them.

In other words, we embrace the “virginal female bodybuilder” motif wholeheartedly. Of course, we know that these women are not actual virgins (far from it, most likely). This isn’t about reality. It’s about fantasy. And fantasy can be broken the moment reality starts to creep in. Any business-savvy FBB understands this.

We want to imagine that we can be that guy who can suck on an FBB’s clit or make love to her all night long. If we see an actual guy – even if this guy is a nameless and faceless porn actor – do this, it ruins the experience for us. We start to get jealous. We become envious. We get angry. We get frustrated. The “fun” is drained from the experience. We are reminded that never in a million years will we be able to have sex with her. And the moment reality crashes the party, you might as well pack your bags, hail an Uber, and leave. What’s the point?

I keep referencing Denise Masino because she is, in my opinion, one of the greatest businesswomen in the female bodybuilding industry. She understands better than anyone else why guys love FBBs and what it is that they look for when they need their “FBB fix.” She knows her enormous clitoris is her selling point. It’s her moneymaker. She isn’t ashamed of it. She doesn’t try to hide it. Nor does she tease us with it. Instead, she puts it out there front and center, as if daring you to look away. She’s comfortable being who she is and she refuses to apologize for it. That’s hot. That’s sexy. That’s…lucrative.

This is why Denise has embraced the “virginal female bodybuilder” character, whether she admits it or not. Unlike Yvette Bova or Kathy Connors, you won’t see Denise participate in a gangbang where a dozen guys ejaculate all over her at once. You won’t see her give blow jobs to random men one after another. You won’t even see her have penetrative sex with a single guy, let alone two or three or four. She remains virginal. She remains pure, untouched, unattached, and completely attainable.

Is Denise an actual virgin? Hell no! We all know that. She probably has a highly active sex life. She’s a veteran at doing the deed. But we’re not talking about reality here. We’re talking about the artificial image of Denise that exists solely in our minds. Or Aspen. Or Angela. Or Alina. Or Theresa. Or Cindy. Or Minna. Or anybody else that comes to mind. The fantasy works only when the groundwork has been properly laid (no pun intended). Starting from the vantage point of being a “virginal” muscular woman are the building blocks.

Brandi Mae Akers is an interesting case study. Most of her videos are of her being either solo or with other women. But there is a small handful in which she appears with another guy. That guy is probably her boyfriend/husband, but I don’t know for sure. I’m not too well versed in her personal life.

Yet, Brandi still gives off the “Muscle Girl Next-Door” vibes. We still are able to imagine ourselves with her without the memories of another man soiling the mood. Perhaps it’s because the videos in which she’s with a guy are few and far between. That must be it.

The FBB who is untouched and unattached is more desirable because we can more easily place ourselves in the position of touching them like they’ve never been touched before. We may not fantasize about being able to date or marry them quite as often, but that’s just an added bonus. This fantasy loses a lot of its luster if we’re constantly reminded that they enjoy a happy, stable marriage with the luckiest guy in the world.

What explains all this? Well, we can probably start with the whole idea of “purity” being cherished because our society has roots in the Puritan sect of Christianity. The taboo against sex before marriage has developed a culture in which women are seen as whores the moment they “stain” their purity. The “virgin/whore” dichotomy (or “Madonna-whore complex,” which is probably the more official term) is the basic observation that society at large – however you define that – needs to put women into one of two camps: Virgins or whores. One cannot be both. And the moment one crosses over into “whore” territory, they’re branded that label for life – perhaps with a certain scarlet letter even.

Unless they join a convent. Or settle down, get married, and have children who also grow up to settle down, get married, and have children. One or the other. Yikes. That doesn’t leave a whole lot of options, does it?

So, men tend to fetishize female virginity because they’re socially conditioned to value a woman who will become a suitable wife and mother. Whores who sleep around aren’t exactly fit for such a lifestyle. Even though sexual politics have evolved throughout the years, remnants of these attitudes still persist – even supposedly amongst the most “liberated” of us.

Women are shamed for having sex, enjoying sex, or seeking out sex. Men tend to not face such stigmas. Although, the opposite is sort of true. Men who are virgins themselves are viewed as losers who haven’t yet fulfilled their basic masculine duties. This gets more pronounced the older he gets. So this pendulum swings both ways.

All of that being said, it doesn’t appear as though the “virginal FBB” is an archetype that fits into this neat category. The virgin-whore complex may be part of it, but it’s not all of it. Rather, this boils down to the ability to fantasize about what you know you will never be able to obtain.

For example, think back to your high school days. There was this girl you really liked. She was cute, funny, smart, and had a rocking great body. She flirted with you a little bit and you gladly flirted back. You consider asking her out on a date, until you discover that she flirts with everyone. And that is no exaggeration. Every boy at school – including yourself – believes he has a chance with her. But most of them do not. Then, you discover that she sleeps around. She freely gives blow jobs and hand jobs to boys on the football team. Maybe she has a boyfriend (or two, or three, or four), maybe she doesn’t. But regardless, your crush on her dissipates. The illusion has been shattered. You know who she really is and how she acts. It ain’t pretty. So you move on to a different girl. One who is more, how shall we put it, “virginal” – even if only in appearance.

Hm. Does that accurately describe your experience? If so, great. If not, at the very least you can try to imagine what it would be like to put yourself in this hypothetical boy’s shoes. You desired something that is in fact obtainable, but you back out the moment you really discover what kind of a person she truly is. Of course, her questionable behavior might not be true. It could be rumors. Or flat-out lies meant to slander her reputation. But none of that matters. You don’t want to waste your time on someone who won’t value you back.

Now, contrast this situation with your adult crush on a female bodybuilder. You’re older and wiser, but you’re still a man with normal sexual desires. You follow several fitness models and bodybuilders on Instagram. You spend a lot of time watching videos of FBBs working out, masturbating, posing for the camera, or stroking their huge clits. Unlike the girl you liked in high school, you know with 100% certainty that these FBBs aren’t obtainable. They live hundreds, if not thousands, of miles away from you. They’re already married. They wouldn’t be interested in an anonymous shlubby guy like you. So you know there is no realistic path for you to hook up with these women. It’s not going to happen. You’re not naïve or hopelessly delusional about this.

Who wouldn’t want to wake up every morning next to Aspen Rae?

Yet, you still are endlessly attracted to them. You cannot stop thinking about them. They are your personal definition of a perfect woman. A flawless 10/10. But you have no illusions that you’ll ever be with her. I would love to make love to Denise Masino, but I know such a thing will never happen to me. I’m not bitter over this, because why should I? I’m not stupid enough to think that could ever occur. However, in my mind, anything is possible. Why limit your imagination?

Thus, for fans of female bodybuilders, FBBs really only exist on a theoretical level. You might get to meet a few for muscle worship/wrestling sessions, but not everyone can do that. Even if you do get to participate in such sessions, the experience lasts for a finite amount of time and eventually reality will settle back in. Like the cute flirty girl who makes your overpriced latte at Starbucks, she’s only nice to you because you paid her to be nice to you. Truth is a cold reality.

But fantasy can be as hot as you want it to be. In the private recesses of your mind, Angela Salvagno is your naughty Alpha Female wife who tells you what to do, makes all the important financial decisions, wears the pants in the house (figuratively speaking), and decides what goes on in the bedroom. She controls your life. And you let her. But in reality, Angela doesn’t know who you are and doesn’t care to know who you are. Yet, your imagination can run wild because nobody can tell you it can’t.

When you watch a movie, you constantly have to “suspend your disbelief.” You have to accept unrealistic circumstances if you want to enjoy it. If you refuse to believe the unbelievable, you’re going to have a miserable time.

We all know Mark Hamill and Daisy Ridley aren’t actually wielding laser swords and using “The Force” in the most recent Star Wars adventure. We know it’s all animated. Jedis aren’t real. Spaceships like that aren’t real. The Force isn’t real. It’s all an illusion. But, we accept the premise because the filmmakers do their best job to make it seem as plausible as possible.

Modern visual effects and CGI enable us to better suspend our disbelief. If we can see the wires holding up a “flying” saucer, it ruins the experience for us. But if you digitally erase the wires and add cool music and special FX into the mix, we cheer it on. We are more likely to accept the unacceptable.

On that same note, we are more likely to enjoy fantasizing about our favorite female bodybuilders if we are better able to distance ourselves from actual reality. In my mind, Sherry Mayumi and I are a happily married couple enjoying a blissful life together. The fact that her Instagram is devoid of anyone but herself (I believe she’s single at the moment!) allows me to indulge in this fantasy. I am empowered to suspend my disbelief. Her “virginal” façade has created a void. A void that I can fill.

At the end of the day, that’s what all of this boils down to: a convincing façade that leaves plenty to the imagination. Our favorite FBBs are our favorite because they hold a special place in our hearts. All that’s required is permission to believe that she doesn’t just occupy that space…but that she belongs there.

And she does. In our minds. And hearts.

10 Favorite Personality Types of Female Bodybuilders (That May or May Not Actually Be Real)

It’s an old joke that everyone should know by now: When you refer to a woman as having a “great personality,” we all know what that means.

She’s not a looker – but she’d make a great, uh, friend. Or acquaintance. Or someone you wouldn’t mind sharing a long elevator ride with…assuming she doesn’t smell bad or anything.

This euphemism is not just a joke; it’s also an insult. A backhanded compliment, as it were. Lots of us have a great personality. We’re pleasant, fun to talk with, and maybe even a little engaging. But in the Looks Department? Um, let’s not go there! It’ll be better for all of us.

But for those of us who love female bodybuilders, personality does in fact matter. Maybe not a great deal, but it’s especially significant when we’re dealing with our female muscle fantasies. We love FBBs for obvious reasons: Their beauty, muscularity, curves, strength, power, confidence, sexual appeal, enigmatic nature, bravery, perseverance, and so on. There’s no need to rehash this. However, one cannot deny that FBBs can enhance their appeal by striving toward (the more pessimistic of us may say “pandering”) embodying certain personas that we enjoy.

What personas are we referring to? Let’s list a few:

The Badass
The Angel
The Muscle Girl Next-Door
The Porn Star
The Savvy Business Woman
The Elegant Temptress
The Dignified Muscle Matriarch
The Carefree Youth
The Dirty Old Muscle Granny
The Fun-Loving Free Spirit

There are probably others, but let’s settle for these for now. Many of our favorite female bodybuilders could fall into one of these categories. Some belong in multiple categories. And the prodigious of them could attempt to try all of them at some point in their careers. Let us look at these in further detail.

The Badass

Simply put, The Badass is the tough-as-nails chick who can easily kick your ass if you give her a reason to do so. She wears leather jackets, rides motorcycles, and chugs beers faster than a college freshman looking to get laid – in photoshoots, that is. Maybe not in real life.

She wants you to know that she’s dangerous. She isn’t always angry, but you don’t want to see her when she is. No way, José! Like Bruce Banner becoming The Hulk, she can easily pick you up by the throat and choke slam you to the ground. Just don’t give her a reason to do that. Or have a Snickers bar handy just in case.

The Badass, like most of these personas, exists mostly in our imagination and not in real life. You might see your favorite FBB post a photo on her Instagram of her splitting wood with a chainsaw or impaling a zombie (presumably, not a real one!) with a baseball bat, but odds are she really spends her free time baking sweet potatoes and mixing protein shakes in the kitchen. But oh well. Fantasy Land is always much more fun than the Real World, right?

The Angel

The polar opposite of The Badass is The Angel. She’s sweet, innocent, kind, and thoughtful. She posts photos not just of her lifting weights at the gym, but also inspiring quotes, candid shots of her adorable puppy dog, and recipes for gluten-free raspberry bagels (yuck!). She’s wholesome in the sense that she rarely posts anything too provocative, but it’s not beneath her to share the occasional bikini pic if it’s summertime.

She’s very pretty and feminine, perhaps a little too feminine for some of our tastes. You suspect she’s trying not to fall into the stereotype of the masculine-looking female bodybuilder, so she compensates by acting more “girly” than you (or even she) are comfortable with. The Angel never ruffles any feathers and rarely gets into arguments with online trolls. She’s confident in who she is but doesn’t want to make it too obvious. After all, nobody likes a show-off.

Unlike The Badass, The Angel’s personality never feels forced. It appears to be natural. It’s who she really is. We may not like it from a fantasy point-of-view, but if that’s who she actually is, we’ll celebrate her regardless.

The Muscle Girl Next-Door

This type of FBB can be either a Badass or an Angel. Or neither. Or a combination of both. No matter what, she’s not as glamourous as the Angel nor as dramatic as The Badass. She’s pretty, but not as gorgeous as a supermodel. She’s more “cute” than “drop-dead gorgeous.” In other words, she looks like she could be your next-door neighbor. Hence, the reason why her nickname is…

The Muscle Girl-Next-Door doesn’t necessarily look super muscular at casual glance. Maybe it’s because she likes to wear hoodies and gym sweatpants. Or because she’s more “fit” and not as muscular as a competitive bodybuilder. But no matter what, she captures your attention every time you go outside to take out the trash or fetch your mail. She’s pleasant when you strike up the occasional conversation with her, but that’s about as far as it goes. You know you have no chance with her. Yet, you feel compelled to continue to dream…

The Porn Star

This is where it gets really…uh, exciting. The Porn Star is definitely different than The Angel, but isn’t necessarily The Badass or The Muscle Girl Next-Door. She could be, but what she really is – and this cannot be argued with – is an exhibitionist to the extreme.

Lots of FBBs, fitness models, and wannabe fitness models (just scroll through the #fitgirl hashtag on Instagram) are perfectly willing to show off their bodies to the public. For that, we are eternally grateful! But most – not all – have certain limitations of what they are willing to expose. Some don’t mind nudity. Others are more willing, especially if it’s behind a subscription firewall, to do a little more than that.

The Porn Star isn’t always an actual porn star in the traditional sense. They aren’t always famous or well-known to porn enthusiasts (which, for the record, none of us are willing to ever admit to being…), but their work is widely seen by the people who are most likely to appreciate it. The Porn Star can go solo or she can be with a partner – or multiple partners if she so chooses. She can simply take off her clothes and masturbate quietly for the camera. Or she can allow six or seven guys to gang bang her until semen is coming out of her ears (don’t try to picture that in your mind). Or anywhere in between.

The Porn Star has no inhibitions. She is an exhibitionist to the extreme. She has a fantastic body and a dynamic sexuality that cannot be constrained. The world deserves to see her in her full glory. After all, depriving society of her “goods” would be a crime against humanity. And if she is able to entice countless guys and gals to “get off” from watching her art, so be it. That’s what art is for, right? To stimulate the imagination?

We’ll leave it at that.

The Savvy Business Woman

We love muscular women who know how to make a buck. Often times, we’re the ones who are opening our wallets to subsidize their lifestyles. The Savvy Business Woman knows how to use the right hashtags to promote her line of gym swag. She never passes up on an opportunity to plug her favorite brand of protein powder or energy bars. She understands all of these personalities better than anyone. And not only does she understand them, she knows how to profit off of them too.

She looks just as comfortable wearing a tailored suit as she is wearing a bikini. Maybe she wears both in the same day. But more than that, she knows damn well that it’s a business first and a passion second. Yeah, plenty of FBBs say they love weightlifting and competing because they find it “empowering” or “fulfilling,” but the Savvy Business Woman deep down inside believes there are limitations to such thinking. You also have to know how to earn a living from your passions.

The Savvy Business Woman is also a Life Coach, Personal Trainer, Motivational Speaker, Zen Master, and Boss Lady. She embraces entrepreneurship and all its rewards (and downsides). She’ll do porn if she thinks there’s a market for it. Or she’ll dress up as Wonder Woman at cosplay conventions if she thinks that’ll give her better opportunities to hand out more business cards. Whatever works best is what she’ll do. There’s a lot to admire about that attitude.

The Elegant Temptress

While the Porn Star can be seen as crude and dirty and The Savvy Business Woman as being “too corporate” and boring, The Elegant Temptress expertly mixes sexiness with class. She’ll show off her muscular body, but only if you’ve earned the right to see it. She’ll seduce you, but only after you wine and dine her to her heart’s delight. It’s tough sledding trying to please The Elegant Temptress, however the payoff is undoubtedly worth it at the end.

The Elegant Temptress thinks The Angel and The Badass are too simplistic. Why can’t you be a little bit of both? You can dabble in playing The Porn Star at times, but using that identity too often can cheapen who you are and what you stand for. The Elegant Temptress likes to wear fancy dresses and drink expensive cocktails at high class parties. She looks down upon you if you don’t fully appreciate the divine beauty of a gorgeous muscular woman. She’s measured in her speech, dignified in her appearance, and deliberate in her behavior. Naturally, she has a reputation to maintain. In many regards, her reputation is what keeps her going.

The Elegant Temptress views The Muscle Girl Next-Door as a bumpkin. Although, technically speaking she’s also a girl “next door” of sorts – if you happen to live in the Saint-Germain-des-Prés neighborhood of Paris. Most of us don’t, so that’s out of the question. But we love her because she makes us feel like royalty. The Elegant Temptress is someone you bring with you to the Academy Awards, not the homecoming football game. She didn’t need a Fairy Godmother to turn her into the belle of the ball. She is the Fairy Godmother – and the belle of the ball – simultaneously.

This personality appeals to the gentleman in us. We want to be seduced, not taken around a back alley and given a quick blow job. We want to passionately make love to her, not bang her outside a trashy dive bar at 3 o’clock in the morning. We want to dine with her at the fanciest restaurants in the world, not order a takeout pizza and watch reruns of Seinfeld on the couch. She’s worth much more. And we wouldn’t have it any other way.

The Dignified Muscle Matriarch

Like fine wine, some muscular women get better with age. The Dignified Muscle Matriarch fits that bill perfectly. Unlike the trashy world of porn that labels such women as MILFs, The Dignified Muscle Matriarch cares deeply about her spotless reputation. She and The Elegant Temptress would be best friends. Perhaps the Dignified Muscle Matriarch once was The Elegant Temptress at an earlier point of her life, but she’s now graduated into a more maternal role.

She’ll care for you, sing to you before you fall asleep, and make you breakfast in the morning after an exhausting night of lovemaking. Odds are, she hasn’t competed in professional bodybuilding in years, but her past accomplishments speak volumes. Her trophies are already on the shelves. She doesn’t need to “prove” anything anymore. Perhaps her son or daughter now competes and she’s just a “backstage mom” who’ll root for her kids and laugh and cry alongside them when appropriate.

Unfortunately, she may not be nearly as muscular as she once was, but that’s perfectly okay. She’s allowed Father Time to put lines on her beautiful face and crinkles around her gorgeous eyes, but that doesn’t take anything away from her. She’s still as pretty as she was when she was 20 years old. But now she’s wiser, more experienced, and has weathered every storm imaginable. You definitely want somebody like that on your side when the going gets tough.

The Carefree Youth

Twenty or thirty years ago, The Dignified Muscle Matriarch was The Carefree Youth. She travels to exotic locations, lounges around on the beach sipping margaritas, and dances at clubs until the sun rises the next morning. She’s prone to making mistakes that will later transform her into The Elegant Temptress and perhaps later still into The Dignified Muscle Matriarch. She can essentially take on any of the previously mentioned personalities if she wants to. The only stipulation is that she doesn’t give a damn what you think.

Why wouldn’t she give a damn? Because she’s carefree, that’s why! She hasn’t yet turned 30, isn’t married, doesn’t have kids, and can spend all her disposable cash on cute outfits and trendy gym clothes. The boys will flirt with her and she’ll happily flirt back. If something comes out of it, great. If not, then that’s also great. That’s how The Carefree Youth views the world.

She loves to have fun. She loves to go to the gym and lift with the fellas. The world is her oyster and she has her entire life before her. Why settle down and find a husband? Why think about becoming a mother when that’ll get in the way of clubbing, travelling, and modeling? You only live once, so why not live it up while you still can? Your youth won’t stay with you forever. Eventually, adult responsibilities will have to be addressed. Your biological clock will start to tick. But until that time comes, there’s only one pithy mantra she dares to live by:

YOLO!

The Dirty Old Muscle Granny

Ugh. Not a personal favorite for many of you, but this personality does appeal to some. There isn’t much to say about this other than she’s the polar opposite of The Dignified Muscle Matriarch. She has no dignity in the traditional sense of the word. She has her limitations (maybe…), however what’s more important to her is being as perverted as possible while legally being allowed to get away with it.

She may have been The Angel in her younger days…and wants to desperately make up for lost time. So she’ll gang bang multiple men at the same time. She’ll allow a guy half her age to come on her face and smear his semen all over her skin if that’s what’ll entice him to visit her sketchy apartment. She hates social rules that say that women older than 40 are somehow irrelevant. But unlike some of the previously mentioned personas, she doesn’t just defy those rules; she smashes it with a sledgehammer. She’s not a feminist, although she certainly benefits from the societal gains earned by her more politically-conscious peers.

Well, that’s all that needs to be said about this. Now I need to go take a long shower…

The Fun-Loving Free Spirit

This one is a bit tricky because it’s so close to The Carefree Youth. But here’s a key difference: The Fun-Loving Free Spirit has a good heart and wants to help others. The Carefree Youth only wants to enjoy her life in the moment, while The Fun-Loving Free Spirit is much more altruistic.

The world is a better place when everybody has the opportunity to be happy. She wants to provide those opportunities for as many people as possible. She loves inspirational quotes and memes, but also appreciates a well-written book on meditation, philosophy, or spirituality. Being a bodybuilder is what makes her happy. It’s liberating because it’s so unexpected. Our culture tells her that women “shouldn’t look like that,” so she interprets that as a personal challenge to look exactly like that just to spite our cultural forbearers. But she does it with a smile, not with scorn. She rebels not for negative reasons, but for positive ones. She wants to be who she wants to be and refuses to settle for following the herd. That’s her way of dissenting and living life to the fullest.

This should tell you what she dislikes the most: Conformity.

Yuck! It feels so icky to be average.

Did I miss any major personalities? Were there any ones that particularly stuck out to you? Please let me know if you have any bright ideas in the comments below or by contacting me at ryantakahashi87 (at) yahoo (dot) com.

Muscle Note: A Shinigami’s Greatest Gift to Mankind?

A Muscle Note. Whose names would you write in it?

“Hear this: I’m not only Kira, but I’m also God of the new world!”

Or so proclaims Light Yagami, the protagonist of the manga (and later anime) series “Death Note.” With the release of the American film version on Netflix happening not too long ago, it seems only appropriate to discuss a Death Note-inspired fantasy that every female muscle fan would love to see enacted in real life.

What if there existed a Muscle Note?

For those of you who need further background information, Death Note is a popular Japanese manga (or graphic novel) series written by Tsugumi Ohba and illustrated by Takeshi Obata. It was released between December 2003 and May 2006. The animated television series followed from October 2006 to June 2007. Shortly afterward it was dubbed into English and released in North America.

The plot is simple yet ingenious: From the realm of the spirit world, a Shinigami (or a God of Death) named Ryuk drops into the human world a black notebook known as a Death Note. The human who discovers this paranormal tool is named Light Yagami, an intelligent, popular, handsome, and – for the most part – normal high school student. The basic function of the Death Note is easy to understand: If you write the name of any person in the notebook, he or she will die. There are plenty of other finely tuned rules attached to it, but that’s pretty much all you need to know for now.

Eventually, Light tests it out and discovers that the notebook is no joke. It’s real. Its powers are genuine. Then, he gets the idea of killing off criminals who are either crowding the prison system or just simply deserve to die. Light imagines how much more “just” and peaceful the world could be if criminals could easily be “erased” with the literal stroke of a pen. The criminal justice system is too slow, corrupt, bureaucratic, and flawed to serve justice effectively. Fancying himself as the judge, jury, and executioner all in one, Light exhibits delusions of grandeur as he proudly proclaims that he will be the “God of the new world.”

If you are not already into Japanese anime, do not let that stop you from watching this epic 37-episode long TV series. It’s a compelling watch. You could actually waste an entire weekend binge watching it if you’re not careful. And odds are, you won’t regret it. I highly recommend it for everyone out there, even those of you who don’t normally like Asian animation shows. There are a few moments that unfortunately cross over into “immature” territory, but for the most part the series is intelligently written, briskly paced, and a joy to behold.

What if you could transform Gal Gadot into Aspen Rae?

But let’s spin this in a different direction. As alluded to earlier, what if instead of a Death Note, you stumbled upon by happenstance a Muscle Note? The functionality is essentially the same, except for one significant difference: By writing a person’s name in the notebook, you magically transform their bodies to become as muscular as you desire (within a certain limit).

Here are the rules of the Muscle Note:

The human whose name is written in this note shall experience enhanced muscular growth.
This note will not take effect unless the writer has the person’s face in their mind when writing his/her name. Therefore, people sharing the same name will not be affected.
A number on a scale of 1 to 10 must be written next to the name to indicate the level of muscular growth that will occur. Failure to write a number will result in no change in his/her physical appearance. 1 means minimal muscle growth and 10 means maximum growth. Writing a number larger than 10 will not result in any additional growth beyond the threshold of 10.
The muscular growth will happen within 40 seconds of the name being written.
Muscle atrophy will result if the human does not take measures to maintain his/her muscle structure. Therefore, the enhanced muscle growth is not permanent.
The human whose name is written must be between the ages of 18 and 70. If he/she is older or younger than these parameters, no change in physical appearance shall occur.
If the paper on which the human’s name is written is burned, his/her body shall return back to its original state. Erasing the name is not sufficient.
The human who possesses the Muscle Note cannot use it for their own body.
The same human’s name can be written multiple times if the paper on which his/her name was previously written on is properly burned. Writing a different number will result in that human’s body adjusting accordingly.
No more than three humans can possess the Muscle Note at a time.
No human can lose possession of the Muscle Note unless a Kratos decides to take it away from him/her. A human can request to have the Muscle Note taken away from him/her. A Kratos is under no obligation to honor this request.
Humans who suffer from debilitating diseases or chronic physical disabilities and have their name written in the Muscle Note will not experience better health, only enhanced muscular development.

There are probably additional rules, but that’s enough for now. Also, just for your reference, a “Kratos” is named after the Greek god of strength, might, power, and sovereign rule. A Shinigami is a Japanese god of death, so it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense for them to be distributing Muscle Notes to the human world. So there’s that.

So imagine you encounter such a notebook. Let’s say the Kratos who decides to drop it on your lap is named “Ryanuk.” He seems friendly enough. Sure, a bit frightening in appearance, but once you get used to him it becomes no big deal. Ryanuk unexpectedly visits you in your bedroom one fateful evening. He carefully introduces himself and explains the rules in detail. Nothing is left up to ambiguity. You thank him for this unrequested gift.

Alright. So now what?

Odds are, since you are unable to use it on yourself (sorry!) you have to use it on somebody else. Where do you begin? Do you “test” it out on somebody first, such as your best friend or a random classmate/officemate? Or do you dive in head-first and go for jugular by writing the name of a young lady you’ve had your eye on?

Oh, the possibilities! Perhaps that’s why the story of Death Note is so compelling. Not only are we watching Light Yagami make these sorts of decisions on the fly, we are also making them for ourselves. What would we do if we were in his shoes? How would we react if unforeseen stumbling blocks like the enigmatic detective “L” or an infatuated fan-girl like Misa Amane with the Shinigami Eyes were to hinder us from properly executing our larger plans? Could we evade capture for as long as he did, especially considering his own father is a police chief? The suspense built up by the plot has more to do with these endless “what if questions” versus presenting a series of boring and pointless action scenes.

Possessing a Muscle Note would present different questions, but equally intriguing questions – especially if you are a female muscle fan. The first question you’d be asking yourself would be:

“Who?”

Who would you choose to magically transform into a bodybuilder? Maybe you write the name of a girl you have a crush on. Or perhaps a famous celebrity like Gal Gadot or Ariana Grande. Or, of course, your best buddy who goes to the gym five days a week but still can’t get gains to save his life (he’s clearly not consuming enough protein). Regardless, you cannot use it on yourself. Sorry. Ryanuk does have his limits. Selfishness is not a virtue he shares.

Ryanuk also values realism. The peak muscularity a person can reach is that of a Mr. or Ms. Olympia (R.I.P.) competitor. He’s not a fan of “female muscle growth” fiction, so fantasies of transforming a person into a superhuman muscle freak with as much bulging flesh as the Michelin Man is not going to become a reality. So, writing a person’s name and the number “10” after it will result in him or her becoming really muscular, but not unreasonably so. If you were expecting anything more than that, you will be sadly disappointed.

A person who loves muscular women will no doubt feel giddy being in possession of such a supernatural tool. One can only imagine how he or she would utilize it. No doubt many of you have already fantasized about possessing such powers (although not necessarily in the form of a physical Muscle Note). It’s hard to not ponder such things when the supply of muscular women is as rare as a solar eclipse (when statistically compared to the entirety of humankind, that is).

Therefore, the candidates whose names would be written down in this notebook would probably include the following:

Real life crushes
Celebrities
Best friends
Athletes on your favorite teams
Enemies whom you would like to play tricks on
Complete strangers who would look more attractive with enhanced muscle mass

The list can probably go on from here, but you get the point. One does not simply possess a Muscle Note and not take full advantage of it. Especially when you might actually be doing some people a favor by using it. This is your opportunity to become a genuine humanitarian. Did that thought ever occur to you? Well, now it has.

Here’s what your first page of names might look like:

Katy Perry 7
Megan Fox 10
<Cute girl who works at Starbucks> 4
<Your wife/girlfriend> 3 (hey, you want her to look good, but not better than you!)
Nicki Minaj 9
Kim Kardashian 10
<Your favorite basketball player who could grab more rebounds if he were a bit stronger> 6
<Superstar athlete who plays for your hated rival> 1
<Idiot jock who bullies you at school> 1
Pamela Anderson 8 (for those of you who grew up in the 90s)
Scarlett Johansson 5
Gal Gadot 8
<Your boss whom you hate with a passion> 10 (just to see him/her freak out!)
<Your best buddy> 4
<That hot chick who jogs around your neighborhood> 9
Donald Trump 1

You delight after reviewing this list. Then you look at your watch for 40 seconds to pass. Then you check Twitter 10 minutes later to see who’s freaking out. And then you relish the fact you’re causing so much havoc on a global scale without standing up out of your chair.

Right, right. This is all fine and dandy. All of that being said, the second question you might ask yourself is this:

“Should I?”

Obviously, the taking of somebody’s life without their permission is an act of moral reprehension. We call it “murder” and it’s highly illegal for a reason. While making someone’s body more muscular isn’t nearly as morally repulsive as murdering them, there are still ethical considerations to be had.

Basically, is it ever right to do something to a person without their permission, no matter how trivial or “beneficial” it might be? Becoming stronger is almost always a benefit, but that’s irrelevant when we consider the question of personal sovereignty. Using the Muscle Note would be a violation of personal sovereignty, even though many of us dream of looking like Arnold Schwarzenegger in the 1970s. Think about how many 20-year-olds who dream of playing in the NFL or MLB or UFC could actually get there if someone (strategically) used the Muscle Note on their bodies. Obviously, one should not use it in drastic fashion – such as transforming someone with a “3” body into a “10” overnight – that could arouse suspicion. That would blow your cover and expose the existence of either a Muscle Note or a miracle drug that somehow snuck into the open market.

These folks are not who we’re talking about. Rather, we’re talking about a gorgeous supermodel who wakes up one morning and finds her physique transformed into Aleesha Young without her permission. That might bring joy to many of us, but that would bring feelings of horror to her. You don’t need to be the world’s most empathetic person to know that’s probably a bit unethical.

But let’s face it. Being the owner of a Muscle Note isn’t about ethics, philosophical values, or vague notions of empathy, compassion, or integrity. Instead, it’s about making your wildest dreams come true with the innocuous stroke of a pen. A Muscle Note is the greatest gift to mankind because it can be used to improve people’s lives, not end it. Yet, one cannot help but think about the grave ramifications of using it on a large scale. Could it instigate a worldwide panic much like Kira did in Death Note? Perhaps. Or it could go unnoticed if it’s used modestly.

Yet, wouldn’t this sort of “cheapen” what it would mean to become a muscular person? Bodybuilders, both men and women, earn their impressive physiques through hard labor, perseverance, strategic planning, forethought, and mental toughness. If you could magically transform someone into a bodybuilder in less than a minute, wouldn’t that person lack a certain level of intrigue?

Many of us love female bodybuilders partly because we are turned on by how difficult it is to be one. Those of us who have participated in a muscle worship or wrestling session with a muscular woman deeply appreciate the blood, sweat, and tears that must have been shed during her journey of achieving such muscularity. We love them not only because their bodies are beautiful; but also because we respect what they’ve chosen to do with their lives. They’ve elected to lead an unorthodox life in pursuit of a physical aesthetic that is not only untraditional but supremely difficult to reach.

One cannot rest on their laurels and still be a bodybuilder. Muscles eventually recede if they are not probably maintained. Thus, being a bodybuilder is like climbing a mountain that has no summit. Even when you reach the top, you still have to labor in order to stay at the top. It’s like reaching the peak of Mount Everest and still having to work in order to stay there. You can’t stop to smell the roses. If you do, you will start to slip further and further downhill. What a cruel thing the human body can be at times.

Or Scarlett Johansson into Shannon Courtney?

But a Muscle Note is one way of bypassing all those scientific rules. With a Muscle Note at your disposal, you can reach the top of Mount Everest and stay there for as long as you want without lifting a finger. Seriously. Just keep that pen handy at all times. That’s all it takes.

Yes, that does cheapen what it means to be hypermuscular. But if we’re just using it for fetishistic ends, the philosophical/ethical considerations are a moot point. If you want your girlfriend to look like Minna Pajulahti for one night only, you can do that by writing her name in the Muscle Note and burning it after you’re done “playing” with her in her temporary costume. So on a crude level a Muscle Note only exists to fulfill our primal sexual fantasies. Oh great. Nothing more, nothing less.

But isn’t that the point of Death Note to begin with? Human beings cannot be trusted with supernatural powers because inevitably people will use it for destructive means, even if their intentions are good and noble at the beginning. Absolute power corrupts absolutely, as the old saying goes. No person should ever have that much power because no person will ever know how to control it. Eventually, power will control you. History has taught us that lesson repeatedly. The real tragedy is that we fail to learn it.

Perhaps this means a Muscle Note is not actually the greatest gift to mankind from the spirit world. No matter how “innocent” our fantasies might originally be, one can never anticipate which road our behavior will go. Will we choose the honorable path, or will we be completely consumed by our own greed and carnal desires that we abuse our powers to the detriment of others?

We can promise that we’d use the Muscle Note to help people like victims of polio, aspiring athletes who come from poor families that could earn riches beyond their wildest dreams, insecure people who could gain considerable self-esteem, and all sorts of individuals suffering from debilitating diseases. Yet, we all know how supernatural powers are usually put to use: to punish people we don’t like or to indulge in our own greediness.

You can guess which path most of us would probably take. Be honest with yourself. You know you’d go crazy and use it for purely selfish means.

And that would be wrong. Yet unquestionably enthralling. And arousing. Oh, the possibilities…

Humans are so interesting, indeed.